My ADHD and I
This is my Wall.
My safe space. My wall is one of the first things I see when I enter the room.
I want to talk about this wall or what is has come to represent as I was diagnosed with ADHD, before I redecorated it, with the help of my daughter Hannah.
I created this wall with some chalk paint in 2021 about a year before my ADHD diagnosis, to help me and anyone who laid eyes on it to see and feel something positive.
What I have come to learn is that the path of any neurodivergent would not have been easy.
A very common aspect with ADHDers, that I have heard being shared over and over again is that by the age of 10 a child would have heard 20k more negative comments compared to a neurotypical child.
Those would have been those painful and soul crushing words that I have heard repeatedly myself.
Why are you so lazy,
why can’t you just do it,
that is not good enough,
you can do better,
what did everyone else get in the test,
and the worst of them all
Why can’t you just be normal.
Unfortunately, I also cannot claim innocence as I would find myself speaking such words myself, in my ignorance, UNAWARE of the power words have, especially to neurodiverse people.
Studies have found that neurodiverse children are also more likely to be subjected and experience bullying at school, something that I can very much relate to, as the bullying I experienced, got so intense at boarding school that I found myself standing on the ledge of a window at 13 years old.
Also, one of my now adult children who was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism a few years ago, was subjected to severe bullying as well. For a parent that feels heart wrenching.
Since my own ADHD diagnosis, I have heard from, and spoken to many neurodiverse people.
I don’t believe any of them have ever said that they didn't have a challenging or even traumatic childhood.
Receiving an Adult ADHD diagnosis for many is like finally finding their Identity, which I feel, is being stigmatised through select and prominent media outlets, that will already have enormous readership and views.
For me, it felt that my childhood-challenges carried through to my adult life, attempting to find work, receiving rejection after rejection to my applications, that fed into irrational thinking of not being good enough - all or nothing thinking.
I believe that neurotypical people often don’t realise how challenging the world can be for those who are neurodiverse. How can they? You can empathise but will never be able to experience our challenges in the same way. I myself am only just understanding why certain scenarios exhaust me beyond belief, that others can cope with very easily.
For as long as I can remember, I have felt different, But after having lost so much, by virtually fleeing and having to abandon my Project in Bolivia, I decided to start my journey searching for who I am, and shared my video series “The Road to self discovery” on YouTube.
Little did I know that this would lead me to giving a TEDx talk in Canada on this topic a few years later. With everything that happened, my ADHD diagnosis, finally helped me understand why I always felt so different, which came a lot of peace.
However, as I already mentioned, we ADHDers never feel that we are good enough, and walk through life with a lot of shame, feeling misunderstood and judged but we have to find a way to rethink and appreciate all the things that we have achieved.
It took me a long time to appreciate myself for some of the incredible things that I have achieved in my life already. It was because of my obscured view on these achievements that they never felt good enough.
In a meeting with a leading Training association on neurodiversity that I was able to sit in on, as well as reading it in articles, posters and promo videos over and over again it was evident that companies should hire neurodiverse candidates for our eye for detail, the ability to keep calm in stressful situations, our ability to give an alternative perspective, being creative, empathetic and the list goes on.
Yes, we are all that and more. But the point that I am trying to make is that these positive attributes came at a huge cost that had to be paid for them. We are great at certain things, but we are also fragile and really struggle in certain environments.
But its not a one shoe fits all kind of thing, as the best working environments may be very different for every neurodiverse person. I personally struggle in noisy environments that can lead me into a major meltdown. Can you image experiencing the noisy environment of an airport, train station, and bus all at the same time, that is how my hypersensitivity can get and I will have to remove myself from the environment, or else…
So to finally come to the point. Not having been able to understand myself asking why I was so different for years, and masking myself through life, trying to please everyone in the process, meant that I didn’t have an identity.
Everyone deserves to know who they are yet there are still so many adults out there who are feeling lost just the same which is why it is important for me to have shared this with you. It may be that it is not even ADHD or another neurodiverse condition, it could be something completely different but I feel strongly about the need for all of us to talk about it.
I am an advocate of getting a diagnosis despite of what the media might have to say about it. It’s not about the label. It is about knowing that through my diagnosis and getting assigned an ADHD Coach through the Access to Work Scheme, I am finally getting to, living the life that I was always meant to live.
I am not an expert or Coach on ADHD and Neurodiversity issues, however, I have lived with it all my life. Everything that I share on the topic comes from my personal experiences that I hope you will have found helpful.
As for this wall then – It is my constant reminder that I am good enough, we all are good enough and great at everything we do because no one can ever really comprehend the circumstances in which we operate.
What is it that reminds you, of how good you are or what do you intend to implement to give you this daily reminder.
